the latest coup: poem


the latest coup seen from Kaikoura after the 7.8M quake



i. Steve Bannon surveys a plate of stale lamingtons


Like I told the Pope

and like I’m telling the President

there’s good capitalism

and there’s bad capitalism

and one’s come off its Judeo-Christian

foundations, so we’re here to fix it

and fix Big Government, like Lenin did.

What the fuck are these pink fluffy dice

on my desk anyway? Libtards?



ii.Donald Trump slips on a pair of jandals


Fantastic. Beautiful. Signing orders.

I could do this all day.

I could do anything all day.

There’s never been a President like me.

Never has been. Beautiful.

What’s next, Steve? Who cares?

I’m what’s next, me.

See these crappy made-in-China flip flops.

They’re Hillary’s! That’s funny! Hilarious!



iii.  Mike Pence goes whale watching.


Mr President? Mr President? Sir?

Dear Lord, why won’t he see me?

I’m right here, here behind Steve.

What if he died, Steve? Steve?

Steve, you asshole! Sorry, Steve.

I’m Number Two, not you.

I try harder. You know I do.

Send me to New Zealand, please! Anywhere

but here. I love whales, watching you.



iv. Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway go to Hobbiton


Were holding them accountable!

We sure are. Steve says so.
And Donald backs him up. You like Orcs?

Sure, Orcs are fine with me. Gollum, too?

Gollum is so cool, he’s like Donald.

Who’s Frodo then? Mike Pence?

Mike who? No way! Frodo’s such a loser, keep

it real! That Steve, he’s gotta be Sauron!


About paparoa

Writer and researcher.
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