the latest coup seen from Kaikoura after the 7.8M quake
i. Steve Bannon surveys a plate of stale lamingtons
Like I told the Pope
and like I’m telling the President
there’s good capitalism
and there’s bad capitalism
and one’s come off its Judeo-Christian
foundations, so we’re here to fix it
and fix Big Government, like Lenin did.
What the fuck are these pink fluffy dice
on my desk anyway? Libtards?
ii.Donald Trump slips on a pair of jandals
Fantastic. Beautiful. Signing orders.
I could do this all day.
I could do anything all day.
There’s never been a President like me.
Never has been. Beautiful.
What’s next, Steve? Who cares?
I’m what’s next, me.
See these crappy made-in-China flip flops.
They’re Hillary’s! That’s funny! Hilarious!
iii. Mike Pence goes whale watching.
Mr President? Mr President? Sir?
Dear Lord, why won’t he see me?
I’m right here, here behind Steve.
What if he died, Steve? Steve?
Steve, you asshole! Sorry, Steve.
I’m Number Two, not you.
I try harder. You know I do.
Send me to New Zealand, please! Anywhere
but here. I love whales, watching you.
iv. Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway go to Hobbiton
Were holding them accountable!
We sure are. Steve says so.
And Donald backs him up. You like Orcs?
Sure, Orcs are fine with me. Gollum, too?
Gollum is so cool, he’s like Donald.
Who’s Frodo then? Mike Pence?
Mike who? No way! Frodo’s such a loser, keep
it real! That Steve, he’s gotta be Sauron!